summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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