Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
