well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize