just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
