I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
