Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
