it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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