Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
