Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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