WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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