Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
