Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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