people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
