I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize