I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sobbing to NWA
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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