I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
