Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
