He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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