Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need to calm my uterus...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
