He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i barfeds in our rink
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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