The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
