God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You're like the curious george of whores
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize