He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
