i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize