He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
