Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
