no, he came in my armpit
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
