Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
