I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
