I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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