i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sext me about skeletons
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize