mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize