I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
