I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
