she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize