At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
