oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
is that a dick in a sweater?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
