Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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