'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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