He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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