Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
