I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize