Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
my poor anus
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
