I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize