I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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