she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
