I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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