Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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