dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
false alarm. still invincible.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize