i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
should my penis look like a turkey
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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