I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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