I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
