you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
