Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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