new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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