Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
