She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
