All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she looked like the before picture.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
