It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
