There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
