Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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