so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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