Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
