I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
