Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
