we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
