i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
