well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
