i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
