Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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