You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
