we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
how drunk are you?
Several
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
