its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
