Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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