doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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