when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
