Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think your dad took our porno
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
