Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
sex in a hospital.. check
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
