I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
