Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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