It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
