True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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