when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
