I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
