Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
