i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize