I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
