You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
