i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
