I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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