I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
