So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just want nice things and good sex
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
