I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
