I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
