Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
