His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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