Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
