She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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