True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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