Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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