Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
