I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize