i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
