i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
