dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Randomize
