i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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