I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize