I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
