it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
