Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
