I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
