thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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