wat bout pragnant strippers??
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
