is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize