Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
