I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
