You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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