I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
