Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
