The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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