Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
