dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
