At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
